Beer, Booze & B.S. Podcast

Beer, Booze & B.S. Podcast

menu close

“The Craziest News Stories You’ve NEVER Heard | Pringles Poop, Fake Heart Attacks & More”

/ 01:09:13/E8 Download MP3
Chrissy:

Yeah. Well, should we do a drink too before we start? Oh, here's our cut water long island tea.

Paul:

Oh, cut water

Chrissy:

is Cut water.

Paul:

Fucking delicious.

Chrissy:

I love the margaritas.

Paul:

Dude, though.

Chrissy:

They're so strong.

Paul:

What's the

Chrissy:

White Russians are fucking god. I try not to drink them just because there's like 5,000 calories. Yep.

Paul:

And you're like, fuck. Now I gotta work out twice as long.

Chrissy:

Yeah.

Paul:

That sounds like I wouldn't do that.

Chrissy:

How's your work all plan going?

Paul:

Good. I just got back into the gym this week and yep. Yep. Back running. I ran a twenty four minute five k.

Paul:

So not horrible, but not where I wanna be. So, like to be when I was when I was at the end before I broke my collarbone, I was at a twenty minute.

Chrissy:

So, you like to run?

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chrissy:

More than like lift weights?

Paul:

Yeah. For sure. Really? Total I mean, like lifting weights too, but it's like I feel it's for me, it's such a waste of time because I just I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I don't know what to do. It's like I need someone to be like, alright, do this.

Paul:

Alright, do this. Alright, do this. Alright. Change Yeah. The boat.

Chrissy:

You remember Jeff. Right? Yeah. He's helping. He's helped Bo.

Chrissy:

Bo's like fucking ripped as fuck. Really? He's huge. Oh, he's not huge, but

Paul:

What is that?

Chrissy:

He was super fat. He like hit because I don't know if you even knew this, but Art kidney disease.

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah. Britney was telling me about

Chrissy:

gonna need a new kidney.

Paul:

And he got he had to get in shape and he like

Chrissy:

Well, Bo went to go see if he's a donor.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

And they told him he was obese. Yeah. And he he was say he weighed. I think two fifty.

Paul:

I'm damn near obese for my weight.

Chrissy:

Give me a break.

Paul:

I swear to God, like I'm supposed to I think my tall

Chrissy:

though.

Paul:

My target my target weight's supposed to be like, I think, one eighty five to two hundred or something, I'm like two ten.

Chrissy:

That's not obese.

Paul:

It is too. No. I feel like it is.

Chrissy:

Muscle muscle weighs more than fat. Right. Are you unhealthy or are you healthy? Right. Right.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Muscle.

Paul:

I don't have I don't have any muscle. You don't? No. I don't, dude. That's why I should start lifting.

Paul:

I sit in a truck for fucking eight hours and don't do shit. And then I come home and drink my face off. Oh. The only muscle I get is from riding dirt bike or something.

Chrissy:

So this is Cutwater Long Island iced tea. It's 13% alcohol, comes in a 12 ounce can in a pack of four. 345 calories in this one can.

Paul:

Oh, that's it?

Chrissy:

A four pack sells for $16.49 and I we've all tried the other Cutwater stuff or at least you and I have. Yeah. Do you drink Cutwater? No. They're strong.

Paul:

And they're

Chrissy:

So be prepared.

Paul:

Fucking delicious.

Chrissy:

Oh. Oh. Yeah. That is strong.

Paul:

Yeah. This is perfect.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Oh, you'll like it. Yeah.

Paul:

You could actually taste the alcohol. Yeah. You're gonna get fucked up on these. Yeah. You don't need any more than that Yeah.

Paul:

Four I was just I gonna can't say wait. You only need four pack. Will

Chrissy:

You won't even need the four,

Paul:

but no. You and I What what percent is that? 13%. Holy fuck.

Chrissy:

Yeah. And I think the margarita is 13 or 14%.

Paul:

Really?

Chrissy:

Mhmm. Because those are my favorite, but yeah. One can is literally like all you need. All need. So I guess if you know, it's cheaper that way.

Paul:

Solid. Yeah.

Chrissy:

An eight? I think an eight.

Paul:

I like it more than

Chrissy:

alcohol is in it, it still tastes good. It's not Mhmm. As expected. Agree. I agree.

Chrissy:

Yeah. It's actually pretty good.

Paul:

Oh, god. You would get fucking hammered. Yes, you would. I don't know how much you need to get drunk, but four, I guarantee you're gonna I fucking do

Chrissy:

feel like everything we're trying today is really strong too. Really? Yeah. Or a lot of it is.

Paul:

What else are we trying?

Chrissy:

We're gonna try that mad dog. Oh. That that's 13% wine. Fuck.

Paul:

Dude, I seen fucking over here you got a twisted tea fucking slap bag. What the fuck? When did they start making them?

Chrissy:

What did we get? You The bag that you just

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah. With wine once Yeah.

Chrissy:

In the pool and I Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Paul:

Everyone everyone does that. Yep. You just fucking slap it and pass it.

Chrissy:

Slap it and pass it. I hate Twisted Tea, though.

Paul:

What? Oh. Oh, god. It's good. No.

Chrissy:

Like Long Island tea. I like that for whatever reason.

Paul:

Right. Right. Because it's all solid alcohol.

Chrissy:

Back to my You Well, well, my before I was even old enough to drink you Right. We used to go to 0. The Mermaid. Remember, remember where The Mermaid is?

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah. Right down Work. By my

Chrissy:

used to be this bar called Streamers, and Thursday nights was lady or Wednesday nights was ladies nights. And all you could fucking drink for $5, we would just do Long Island teas. It didn't matter what

Paul:

it was. Yeah. Right? I remember when I lived in Duluth, they had $5 pitchers of Long Island teas

Chrissy:

That's really good.

Paul:

And Washington apples and like grape dates. You get one of those three Oh, God, dude. All three of those drinks were fucking phenomenal. And you would just Oh, yeah. Every one of us would just walk in and buy a picture.

Paul:

I swear to God, like, that night, like, when you go there, the it's it's fight to get a pitcher and then once you get it

Chrissy:

Once you get it, you yeah.

Paul:

Hold that tighter and your old lady, you're like, I ain't let this bitch go.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Because like at streamers too, the Long Island teas, they would come almost like in a pitcher size freaking glass, you know. So one would really be all you well Yeah. All we would need.

Paul:

Right? Oh, yeah.

Chrissy:

For the girls anyways.

Paul:

Dude, it's that's how it was when fucking I mean, you you drink one of those and you were that was perfect for all night. Yeah. So You have to fucking you literally have to hang on to it because the second you set it down, some fucking cocksucker walks by and takes it. Oh, you're done with this perfect mind.

Chrissy:

Oh, this oh, my God. I was thinking of you when I was reading this last night.

Paul:

Oh, fuck.

Chrissy:

Okay. So, I was looking for funny stories because I would kind of went down the path of sad stories. So I'm like, alright, I need to find some funny news stories. So Uh-huh. Here's an attorney in Ohio.

Chrissy:

He is a criminal defense attorney. His name was Jake or Jack Blacksley out of Caldwell, Ohio. He was suspended by the Supreme Court of Ohio from practicing law for one year, with six months of that suspension stayed. Do you wanna know what his crime was? He was shitting in a Pringles potato chip can.

Chrissy:

So his crime was he was tossing these Pringles potato chip cans onto people's properties with his poop in it. Oh, what the like And he's just a lawyer.

Paul:

Why the fuck would he do that?

Chrissy:

Well, this is why I thought of you. I'm like, wonder if Paul ever thought of that that ever crossed his mind after he had to shit in the milk jug or the water jug. Not a Throwing it in someone's yard.

Paul:

No, dude. I wanted to hide that thing and get rid of it. All the evidence I didn't want anyone ever knowing.

Chrissy:

So here's an attorney DNA Yeah. In a Pringles can.

Paul:

And that's how he got caught.

Chrissy:

So on the morning of November 30, this attorney, Blake's lead, he defecated into an empty Pringles can and then left his home to attend a pretrial hearing for his client who was a defendant in a capital murder case. However, as he drove past the Haven of Hope, which is the victim advocacy center in Cambridge, Ohio, which that's the place where I guess the victims were from this crime or whatever he was

Paul:

Prosecuting or whatever?

Chrissy:

Yeah. Prosecuting. Does somebody witnessed him do it? So they witnessed they witnessed this guy, somebody working there or whatever, witnessed him probably got his plate

Paul:

number Yeah.

Chrissy:

Whatever throwing trash Oh, yeah.

Paul:

Because he

Chrissy:

didn't know what was in it. Well, then the guy the attorney confirmed that this advocacy center was his drop zone. What the fuck? And it gets worse.

Paul:

Why well, I had so many questions like, why are you shitting in a Pringles can? That's some fucking precision right there. And it's like, if he's spraying mudder, is he fucking dropping logs?

Chrissy:

Into the can or is he going in

Paul:

the Just hovers over, spreads his butt cheeks and this like suction comes down on it.

Chrissy:

I don't know. Too many questions.

Paul:

Right? Delivery made. Just whips in some fuckers yard. Why? Well, that's what I is he like does he know these people?

Paul:

Does he hate them? Is he pranking them?

Chrissy:

Is This he was he this he was fighting them in court.

Paul:

Oh. So he just hates this fucker and he's like, alright

Chrissy:

the whole center. Apparently, because That's Blakely claimed that he was not targeting anyone in particular, but rather that he had thrown the feces filled can to blow off steam. But then, he also admitted that he had pulled the Pringles prank at least 10 times that year.

Paul:

What the fuck?

Chrissy:

Imagining So this is premeditated. Imagining the look of surprise on the faces of anyone who found the cans.

Paul:

Well, right?

Chrissy:

I don't even know if I would open it. If I found a Pringles can, would you open it?

Paul:

I feel like you wouldn't, but then when you pick it up and it's got some weight to it, you're like, alright.

Chrissy:

What's the fuck? Yeah.

Paul:

Maybe. You know, because maybe some fucker stuffed drugs in there and whipped it out the window to

Chrissy:

Or get rid anything. Whatever. I guess, don't know.

Paul:

Oh, but then you open it and you get a can of

Chrissy:

shit. But despite his claims of a of the poo prank it's kind of a tongue twister.

Paul:

Fuck did he get into

Chrissy:

The court felt that Blake Lee's misconduct required a suspension stating his aberrant conduct has adversely reflected his own fitness to practice law.

Paul:

He he's done for a year.

Chrissy:

Yep. They spent it as yeah. Well, he had all the time in the world to do whatever then.

Paul:

He's got plenty of time to think about what he did.

Chrissy:

What he well, and do more, I guess. Oh. He pled guilty to a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct and littering. So that's really all he got, but he lost his privilege to work for a year.

Paul:

So depending on how good he is, this is either gonna fucking make or break his career. If he's if he's a good attorney, this is like everyone's gonna be like, want that dude who shits in a premium.

Chrissy:

He defending a murderer so I

Paul:

don't know. Right?

Chrissy:

What possesses you?

Paul:

A lot of fucking

Chrissy:

is like someone that you think an attorney is kind of a more on the more I wouldn't say brilliant, but smarter

Paul:

Right.

Chrissy:

Minded person. Yeah. But then he goes and says, why would you admit that you did it 10 times before?

Paul:

Right. Why why are you giving him any ammo? You're a fucking attorney. You should know to shut the fuck up. You've got one job.

Chrissy:

I don't think he's that good of an attorney

Paul:

I'm just gonna tell you everything you need to know about the case so you can just put me away for a year.

Chrissy:

And like yeah. So many questions that we'll never get answers to I'm sure, but I just don't even get it. And the minute I read that story last time, I'm like, wonder if Paul ever thought about doing that with

Paul:

his. The only reason I ever shit in a fucking milk jug or whatever was out of necessity for not shit in my pants.

Chrissy:

Right. I

Paul:

know. I know that.

Chrissy:

Exactly. Is so fucking funny. Yeah. Yeah. I was laughing my ass off reading

Paul:

these last names. Aggressive. Who does that? That's fucking ridiculous.

Chrissy:

Apparently, attorney in Ohio. Yeah. They are weird out there.

Paul:

I kinda wanna look him up and see what he looks like.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Oh, god, his name. Here's kind of a weird story. This is in well, this wasn't even in The United States. This was Spain.

Chrissy:

But this guy learned how to get out of paying for his restaurant bills Oh. By faking heart attacks.

Paul:

What the fuck? You shifty fucker.

Chrissy:

So a 50 year old Lithuanian man, only identified as Adas J, he ordered seafood, panella, and two whiskeys at the El Buenkomer restaurant in Spain, in El Alicante, Spain. However, at the end of his meal, the restaurant manager was told that Adas was attempting to dine and dash, evading the outstanding bill of $36.75. What? So his bill was $36.75.

Paul:

On $36?

Chrissy:

Yeah. So he ate dinner

Paul:

and getting two a lobster fucking and two whiskeys for $36.

Chrissy:

In in Spain, I guess.

Paul:

Guess I'm moving this bullshit. So

Chrissy:

when he got confronted by this manager, he claimed he was going to his hotel room to get cash. But regardless of his plea, the restaurant staff refused to let him leave. At that point

Paul:

Had a fall.

Chrissy:

He dramatically clutched his chest and fell to the floor as if he was having a heart attack.

Paul:

I wonder how many times this fucker's done it. Done it before. Yes. Obviously.

Chrissy:

Despite his stellar performance, restaurant staff didn't fall for the ruse that called the police rather than the ambulance.

Paul:

What if we would've actually had a heart attack? That motherfucker dies.

Chrissy:

Right?

Paul:

No. That restaurant's

Chrissy:

Right.

Paul:

Fucked. Sued. Your ass is sued, motherfucker. Dude, I would I would hate to be, like, anything, like, a restaurant owner or anything like that nowadays. Like, everyone's trying to fucking scam you or get some fucking All

Chrissy:

your mustache hair right off and throw it in your

Paul:

whatever you've

Chrissy:

eaten at

Paul:

all. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Right? I've seen

Paul:

There's a hair in my foot.

Chrissy:

Literally, I've seen people do that.

Paul:

Fuck. I don't even give a fuck. I'll fucking Jim have this. Put to the side and eat it.

Chrissy:

Freaking friend. His name was Greg and called him eggs. Oh, notorious for fucking doing shit like that. Really? Notorious for doing shit like that.

Chrissy:

Oh, yeah. We would catch him we would catch him when we were wait, like, the three of us would both eat some place like

Paul:

an Applebee's. Let's We just

Chrissy:

would leave of course, we always bought.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

And Jim would leave the tip. We'd him trying to fucking steal it. She don't need that much.

Paul:

Oh god.

Chrissy:

He was terrible.

Paul:

A Cherubine. Motherfucker.

Chrissy:

Oh. Bad bad bad. As shifty as they come.

Paul:

Damn. That's aggressive. Yeah. That's fucking way aggressive after someone pays your fucking meal Right. And then leaves a tip, and then you're like, oh, she don't need that much.

Paul:

Don't need that.

Chrissy:

He was gonna take it. We literally caught him doing that on several occasions.

Paul:

Oh, that would piss me off.

Chrissy:

Oh, it did. It did piss him.

Paul:

Yeah. He's just leaving

Chrissy:

the fucking alone, you loser. God.

Paul:

That's fucking aggressive.

Chrissy:

Back in the day, he had several friends that would that were kind of just, I don't know, losers. He was definitely one of them. Watches this.

Paul:

No. He's still alive.

Chrissy:

Oh, yeah. I can't stand him. So he got forty two days in jail for this. Really? Wait.

Paul:

Is it a shit can thrower or the heart attack?

Chrissy:

The heart attack guy. Oh. Oh, this was his twentieth incident.

Paul:

See? I nailed it. Told you. Yeah. I knew it.

Chrissy:

So he was well known for doing this to the police force.

Paul:

What the hell?

Chrissy:

Yeah. So he this was to I this is probably eggs.

Paul:

I hope they fucking backlog and catch every one of them

Chrissy:

fucking chariots. To masquerade as a Russian tourist dressed into designer clothes clothes and visit fancy restaurants. Oh, yeah. Because he was broke. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Once inside the restaurant, he would begin his order with a Russian salad drink, multiple glasses of whiskey, enjoy a hearty main course of lobster, and then have more whiskey. And And then he would try to sneak out, and if they caught him, he would fake heart attack.

Paul:

Where is this? Fucking Spain?

Chrissy:

Yeah. It was in Spain.

Paul:

Dude, I feel like three whiskeys are gonna cost you 36 fucking

Chrissy:

dollars. Yeah. Right? If it's Linoa, they're saying an upper scale restaurant. Maybe he was going

Paul:

to he's not just getting like your basic fucking Jim Beam Jack Daniel's.

Chrissy:

Probably not. No.

Paul:

He's fucking getting like I don't even know what high end

Chrissy:

looking like he was in designer clothes.

Paul:

Like he had money. Yep. Played the part and then fucking shifty as fuck.

Chrissy:

This guy that I'm that was Jim's friend.

Paul:

Eggs?

Chrissy:

Oh, yeah. Eggs. Dude, that's hilarious. Pawn artist on the fucking place. Oh my god.

Paul:

All the schemes.

Chrissy:

All the schemes.

Paul:

The giver

Chrissy:

borrow one of his cars one time for I don't remember what the reason was, but Jim had to use his car for a day. So we're we're in Greg's car and we're souping through his shit, of course. We open his glove box. Greg never worked his entire fucking life. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Never worked. He just scammed people. And we he had business cards made. Gregory Gregory Carter, the our financial consultant.

Paul:

What? I'm like So he's like, probably fucking, hey, I'll invest in your some of

Chrissy:

your money. Give me your money and I'll invest in for you.

Paul:

Thanks, $5. Oh, guess what? Oh, you lost all your shit. Sorry. Better luck next time.

Paul:

Yeah. You wanna invest more? Fuck

Chrissy:

it, Eric. They were laughing so freaking hard. Just yeah. Pretty pretty funny shit. This guy yeah.

Chrissy:

He's notorious for us being a scammer.

Paul:

That's ridiculous. If you're looking for a real financial advisor, talk to Jay.

Chrissy:

Who's that?

Paul:

The Edward Jones, my financial Oh, he good? Yeah. He's cool.

Chrissy:

What are you about?

Paul:

Is it Roman? Right in Edward. Or Edward Jones.

Chrissy:

Right Zimmerman. Well, there's one in every town.

Paul:

Yeah. So I didn't know. Yeah. He's cool as shit. Is he?

Paul:

Yep. Fucking gets me a return or profit every year.

Chrissy:

So That's good.

Paul:

Even in down market, he gets me a decent return. So

Chrissy:

That's good. Cool. Cool. Do you what do you invest in? Or you just let him

Paul:

I just let the fucking people who know the shit that Yeah. Do it. Because it's like if I invested in shit, it'd be like Coors Light and Red Bull and fucking whiskey and

Chrissy:

I don't know. When they first started

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Probably like if you would have invested in Red Bull when they first started.

Paul:

Or even like Monster Energy. I think he was telling because I when I was in there once, this was probably, I don't know, ten years, twelve years ago when I first started with him. And Monster had already been I don't know how how many years in they've already been at the point when we were talking about this. This is when I was just learning about this shit. But I had a Monster Energy can and he's like, yeah.

Paul:

He's like, you know, you would've just put like a grand in here, like, when they when Monster first started.

Chrissy:

Started.

Paul:

Yeah. And he's like, if you would've came in here today, you'd be looking at like $320,000,000. I'm just like, what?

Chrissy:

I'm investing in flat water.

Paul:

Yeah. Right. Extra neutral. That's what I'm gonna call it, extra neutral. Flat water.

Chrissy:

Collies flat water. That's what I'm investing in.

Paul:

Right? It's the next big thing.

Chrissy:

It's the next

Paul:

big local markets coming soon.

Chrissy:

We chased a neutral seltzer, but it sat there a while because we got busy talking. And he goes, this ain't bad because it's flat. Now, he goes seltzer. It's flat Right?

Paul:

And I'm just like, I'm expecting the bubbles right away and it probably sat there for like half hour forty minutes maybe.

Chrissy:

I'm like, it's flat now.

Paul:

And it It was this is good. Yeah. I'm like, it just tasted like flat strawberry water. I'm like, this this actually isn't bad.

Chrissy:

It's gonna be Paul's maple's flat water.

Paul:

Right. And then I went and poured another shot and I'm like, oh no. I'm just kidding. You gotta let it sit.

Chrissy:

You gotta let it sit.

Paul:

You gotta let it age. Yeah. That's the that's the term

Chrissy:

they're Yep.

Paul:

Aged flat water.

Chrissy:

Aged flat water. Aged it in the fridge.

Paul:

Yep. Yep.

Chrissy:

There's a rope on my porch. Porch aged. Yeah. Oh, God. Here's a funny story.

Chrissy:

The man breaks into the bank to heat up hot pockets. Now, I feel like What? I read this. It was a homeless guy, allegedly. But he broke into a bank at 03:30AM.

Chrissy:

Police were dispatched to a Wells Fargo bank in at I guess, Cholas View. I don't know. San Diego, California. After a burglary burglary alarm sounded. However, this was not your typical burglary.

Chrissy:

Rather than someone looking for cash, the alarm company told police that surveillance cameras inside the bank captured a man inside the break room using the microwave. So he wasn't even trying to get in the vault. One place

Paul:

feel like there's like so many other places you could break into that have a microwave. Why? Than and

Chrissy:

you're in San Diego. Yeah. So this is a complete cover up.

Paul:

Hot pocket.

Chrissy:

You can go to any convenience store and

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Heat up your freaking hot pockets. Yeah.

Paul:

Grocery stores, I I do it all the time. Like, when I'm over the

Chrissy:

I'll bring in fucking food. Yeah.

Paul:

You don't care. Right?

Chrissy:

So I feel like this was just a cover up. But yeah. Yeah. When police arrived, they found the broken window near the bank's drive through ATM. At that time, the security company was able to confirm that the suspect was still inside.

Chrissy:

So they offered us to use their guns. They sent the canine unit in.

Paul:

Oh, fuck you.

Chrissy:

Fuck you. No response, they knocked on the bank's front door or knocked the bank's front door down and sent in the canine dog to retrieve the suspect. They probably ate his pockets. They probably ate his hot pockets. Moments later, officers were seen walking the man out of the bank holding his hands behind his back.

Chrissy:

He said he was homeless and that he had broken into the bank to use the microwave. I I feel like that's

Paul:

That's bullshit. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Yeah. You

Paul:

ain't fucking doing that.

Chrissy:

And they when the man was asked if the Hot Pockets were worth it, he said, hell yeah.

Paul:

Yeah. He's homeless hot meal. Fuck. I bet he'd he'd go to jail. Now, he's going to jail.

Paul:

He'd probably get a free meal.

Chrissy:

And if okay.

Paul:

Maybe that's why he

Chrissy:

Well, was doing they are frozen, aren't they? Yeah. Usually.

Paul:

Well, it's like I feel

Chrissy:

like you

Paul:

could You

Chrissy:

could go anywhere.

Paul:

Well, I feel like you could fucking, oh, don't know.

Chrissy:

Bank? That's a little aggressive.

Paul:

I want you to steal something better to eat from a fucking gas station. I

Chrissy:

don't know.

Paul:

You ever thought about robbing a bank?

Chrissy:

Oh, Brink's Truck.

Paul:

Brink's

Chrissy:

Truck? Brink's Truck Casino.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Not a bank. Yep. A casino. All the time. Right?

Chrissy:

It's People ask me if I could ever know that I would get away with it.

Paul:

What would you do and how would you do it?

Chrissy:

I would totally do a casino.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Or a brinks truck.

Paul:

I feel

Chrissy:

I feel like a brinks truck leaving the casino would be your best

Paul:

I feel like you've had a little more thought into it than I thought.

Chrissy:

Huge. Huge. It's a fantasy mine.

Paul:

Right? I would think I'd literally bet you like just about everybody thought about this.

Chrissy:

I I can't imagine why

Paul:

wouldn't you? I don't know. Think about it all the time.

Chrissy:

I would never because I wouldn't feel bad. I would not feel bad if I stole government money.

Paul:

Right.

Chrissy:

I wouldn't feel bad. Like, I couldn't I couldn't walk into holiday and steal a candy bar because I would Yeah. Feel bad.

Paul:

Right.

Chrissy:

But like, I could without question, wouldn't feel bad at all stealing, especially from a casino?

Paul:

Right.

Chrissy:

I'm like, fuck them. They ripped so many people off.

Paul:

Oh, god. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Like, I wouldn't feel bad in the slightest. And, definitely, like, I would have it planned out and be like, oh, wear the bikini and I need my tire changed.

Paul:

Yeah. Those fuckers ain't stopping for shit.

Chrissy:

They do too.

Paul:

No, they don't.

Chrissy:

They do too. No way. It's my fantasy.

Paul:

No. Yeah.

Chrissy:

They're stopping. God damn it.

Paul:

Well, in my fantasy, they just fucking pull over, give me the keys, then they fuck off. And then get away scot free. What's that one move? Oh, have you ever seen Den of Thieves?

Chrissy:

I'm sure I have. Remind me.

Paul:

Is it? Ice? Is it ice cube?

Chrissy:

Ice cube.

Paul:

And I don't know who the Ice cube. Oh, and it's got Gerard Butler in there.

Chrissy:

Okay.

Paul:

And the dude so ice cube, he's like a bartender, works works at a bar or whatever. Yeah. And he kinda he kinda like Oh, great. I I don't know. I don't wanna spoil it for if you haven't seen it, fucking fast forward a couple minutes.

Paul:

But, like, so he's a he's a you watch this whole movie. Right? Yeah. In this he's a bartender Yeah. And he's he's got one of this convict comes in and he's talking to him.

Paul:

He tells him his whole plan. So basically, he, like, gives this dude the idea of how to do it and

Chrissy:

how How to do do it.

Paul:

But in the end, find out that he was the bartender was the one running the whole fucking thing.

Chrissy:

Oh. And

Paul:

it's they made another one that just came out, Den of Thieves two, I haven't seen

Chrissy:

it yet. Oh, really?

Paul:

Mhmm. But it's fucking badass. Yeah. And it's it's brinks brinks

Chrissy:

Brinks trucks.

Paul:

Brinks trucks and yeah.

Chrissy:

I feel like that's your Yeah. The brinks truck that's just picked up the money from the casino is gonna be because there's what? Two or three guys? Maybe three at the most inside Yeah. There?

Paul:

Right. But I feel like if if you're doing that, you're gonna have to kill them because I feel like they ain't they ain't going out without a fight.

Chrissy:

I don't know.

Paul:

You know, they I I don't feel like well, they got the all the bulletproof boobs. I mean, yeah. Right?

Chrissy:

They're pretty hypnotizing.

Paul:

Fuckers. They don't make guys do stupid fucking things.

Chrissy:

See, that's what I'm saying.

Paul:

He's like, here's the keys. What else do you want?

Chrissy:

Know. See, that's my fantasy. I'm just gonna wear a bikini and maybe flash in my boobies and be like

Paul:

Then where would you go afterwards?

Chrissy:

Oh, I would first of all, would not tell one single person.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Only only Mike. That would be it. Yeah. So if I just disappear one day and you never hear from me again

Paul:

You robbed a brain struck. I

Chrissy:

either won the lottery. No. Because I wouldn't fuck tell nobody that either.

Paul:

Right. Yeah. Fuck

Chrissy:

no. Or I robbed the Rings truck and got away with it. So Or I died. There's still three options.

Paul:

What's that one? There's that other one. You ever seen that one with Zach Galifianakis? Oh. I love him.

Paul:

Yeah. It's a comedy one and it's based off of a true story or like loosely based off of a true story where him and some chick worked at like Brink's or whatever. Yeah. And

Chrissy:

I'm sure I've seen it.

Paul:

Yeah. He he fucking she, like, sets him up to basically do all the work and then, like, hey, I'll meet you fucking wherever and just take off with the money. And then she takes off with the money and he's in Mexico waiting for it to show up and never shows up. But fuck, he just like, doing an inside job like that, fuck. Yeah.

Paul:

He just he just backs it up.

Chrissy:

What would you do? I don't even like

Paul:

I've thought about so many and I've watched so many movies and intriguing. Stuff.

Chrissy:

Yeah. It's like, if you knew you could get away with it and I would never have to go to prison You're gonna I definitely at least try it.

Paul:

Yeah. You're def

Chrissy:

I feel like that should be a show. Yeah. A game show. Yeah. You know?

Chrissy:

Like, you have to freaking get away with robbing a place. Like, obviously, it's made up. Maybe we should do that too with our flat water.

Paul:

Right. I don't know. I've thought about this like, right? I don't wanna kill nobody.

Chrissy:

No. No. No. But, Never like do that.

Paul:

Never. A Brink's and the I mean, just robbing a bank, you're probably not gonna be able to get away with like a significant amount of millions and

Chrissy:

like Lydia got robbed at the Princeton Bank. They've got like $500. Yeah.

Paul:

Right? See? That's what I'm saying.

Chrissy:

Hey, So chick.

Paul:

You're you're gonna need that.

Chrissy:

They never caught her.

Paul:

Really? Mm-mm. No shit? Mm-mm. That chick that just like fucking said I had a gun smash and grab $500 got away

Chrissy:

with it? Yep.

Paul:

No shit.

Chrissy:

Caught her.

Paul:

So I thought about what I would do is I so I knew a chick who worked at a bank, and I would you'd have to cut her in on it. Right? Right. Because that's I feel like if you're gonna rob a bank, that's the only way you're gonna get a decent amount.

Chrissy:

Have that much cash.

Paul:

Anymore. So she's gonna know when the most amount of cash is gonna be there or whatever.

Chrissy:

So before the brinks truck gets there.

Paul:

Yep. You fucking what I would do is

Chrissy:

After a long weekend, like fourth of July.

Paul:

Right? I would I would have like a buddy or someone walk around with like an AR 15 on the other end of town in like a park. Right? Yeah. Wait till the fucking cops show up and lose their fucking shit and then just go to the bank, be on like an r one, bring a hockey bag and then fucking load that thing up, strap it on like I do and Yep.

Paul:

Fucking see you bye.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Because you'd have a helmet on.

Paul:

You And you'd be Yeah. You'd walk in. You already got someone who knows what's going on. You just fucking tell everyone to fuck off. She gets you your money or helps you in.

Paul:

You're in and out fast as fuck so you don't gotta fucking She knows it's coming so it's like you don't gotta, hey, stick them up fucking shit. You walk in fucking right to the back, grab your shit, load it up, get on the bike, go. You're in and out and what? Two minutes max.

Chrissy:

Yeah.

Paul:

On a fucking r one and then just gone. Then where would you go? I don't know. See, that's just it. It's like all that money.

Paul:

So you can't buy nothing. You can't go spend it. There's die packs in there which like I said job. Yeah.

Chrissy:

That's why I say a breakstruck leaving a casino because none of that fucking money is

Paul:

Die packs.

Chrissy:

Yet. Yeah. I don't think. Actually, I know somebody that worked in the money department.

Paul:

I was gonna say it wouldn't fucking surprise me if it is actually.

Chrissy:

It might be.

Paul:

I have not You know, just have like they just have like demo packs in there at all times just for shits and giggles.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Where it blows the ink on

Paul:

you. Yeah. Yeah. I would imagine. But it's like, there there again too.

Paul:

Now you gotta cut her her in on it and she's gonna tell whoever. So it's like, you couldn't do it.

Chrissy:

You have to have You gotta be the only one. Trust.

Paul:

Well, you either gotta be the only one or you're fucking ride or die because even then

Chrissy:

Someone's loose lips is gonna freaking sink you.

Paul:

That's that's That's

Chrissy:

what it always

Paul:

Well, yeah. That's how they say the only way to keep a secret between three people is if two are dead.

Chrissy:

Yeah. That's true. This is true. Uh-huh. That's why I laugh at people who are like, I told you not to tell anybody.

Chrissy:

Yeah. But if you really don't want somebody to know fucking say it. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone. That's how you keep a secret.

Paul:

Yep. Okay.

Chrissy:

Should we do our next drink?

Paul:

Yes.

Chrissy:

We're doing mad dog.

Paul:

Mhmm.

Chrissy:

Spiked strawberry and bling bling. What is this? Mad dog spiked strawberry. This is a wine, MD 2020. So we're back from the seventies.

Paul:

Holy shit. Look at that little

Chrissy:

that little fucker. $3.69. It's 13% alcohol. So these are kinda like the buzz balls Yeah. But with wine.

Paul:

That's just like that fucking Super cup

Chrissy:

cute. Look at the bulldog on there. Oh my god. There's Bubba.

Paul:

That's why you like it.

Chrissy:

Mhmm. Just

Paul:

because of the dog.

Chrissy:

The dog. A bulldog. Hell yeah. Alright.

Paul:

Oh, we don't each get our own? This bullshit. Yeah. Like,

Chrissy:

40. No, thanks. No, thanks.

Paul:

Yeah. No. I wanna be able to walk out of here

Chrissy:

needs to function here. So what are we trying first? We're trying the spiked strawberry. No. This is wine from the original MD twenty twenty.

Paul:

Oh my god. It smells fucking delicious.

Chrissy:

It smells like Kool Aid. Totally smells like remember strawberry Kool Aid?

Paul:

Paul's things right here. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's good, but that's like a really strong wine.

Chrissy:

It's definitely wine. Mhmm. I I It tasted good for like the first second. Yeah. Didn't it?

Chrissy:

Mhmm. And then you hit that wine flavor. Boy, would this give you a fucking nightmare. I

Paul:

feel like it's like a fucking strawberry Jolly Rancher.

Chrissy:

Really?

Paul:

With a like it's we've soaked in red wine.

Chrissy:

Well, okay.

Paul:

Which is probably exactly what it is. Yeah. Probably. Strawberry wine.

Chrissy:

It's good. Don't know. You like it? Like a I mean The salmon maybe. It's okay.

Chrissy:

I'm just not don't know.

Paul:

Oh. You would get

Chrissy:

sweet wine drinker, but you are.

Paul:

So up off of that. You imagine a fucking hangover off that?

Chrissy:

So this is the shit that we all when I when I was in high school. This Mad Dog twenty twenty?

Paul:

Why don't I remember? I don't

Chrissy:

remember and you still can get them. We don't carry them because nobody was buying them anymore, but maybe now they will. You could seven fifty of them. It was 20 different flavors. And they were like, I think back then, a dollar 99.

Paul:

Like Boones Farm Yes.

Chrissy:

Are my but they were strong.

Paul:

Or for when I was in high school, I should say. Boons Farm wasn't that strong.

Chrissy:

If you're a wine drinker, Marie Marie would gag on this. Well, she's like

Paul:

She's got a hoity toity

Chrissy:

Yeah. She likes her fine wine.

Paul:

Yeah. I don't know that shit she likes though. It tasted like fucking armpit ass.

Chrissy:

Armpit ass? I

Paul:

don't know dude. I could not stand that. It's crazy how people's palettes are so fucking diverse.

Chrissy:

And it's and I feel like, oh, as a wine drinker, no. When I first bought this, I didn't drink wine and I'm still not a huge wine drinker

Paul:

smells so good too.

Chrissy:

But, you become your palate changes as you like with whiskey

Paul:

every seven years. I used to It fucking is. Hate mac and cheese and now I love it. Wow.

Chrissy:

Who could hate mac and cheese?

Paul:

Oh, fucking no.

Chrissy:

Oh, my God.

Paul:

Probably because I ate the shit out of it like seven times a day.

Chrissy:

When you're

Paul:

a kid? When I was a kid. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Well, like mac and cheese.

Paul:

Yeah. Chopped up hot dogs in there and shit.

Chrissy:

That's not even real mac and cheese. That's like powdered cheese.

Paul:

Yeah. Now, it's the

Chrissy:

what is this one?

Paul:

Mac is and cheese.

Chrissy:

Bling bling blue raspberry. Okay.

Paul:

Oh, this shit smells

Chrissy:

So we can get these for $3.69. And is this the only two flavors that comes in right now? Yeah. Okay. They're cute bottles.

Chrissy:

I freaking love them.

Paul:

Right?

Chrissy:

It's got Bubba on the front. My Bubba. Okay.

Paul:

Looks like an ink pen was splattered all in there too.

Chrissy:

I think. Oh, I like this one better.

Paul:

And I was just gonna say I prefer the blue over

Chrissy:

the Me too. About you? Blue or red?

Paul:

I like the red better.

Chrissy:

Do you? Yep. Yeah. I think I'm But I am a kinda like When you do the popsicles, the blue is always my favorite. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Versus the red. The blue or the purple. I wonder what it would be like if you froze these in like a

Paul:

Made like a slushy

Chrissy:

I bet you it would be even better.

Paul:

Fuck.

Chrissy:

Like those doodlies.

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Yeah. I bet you that'd be super good.

Paul:

Yeah. Like a fucking adult juice box. Yep.

Chrissy:

Yeah. We should try it. Because it probably definitely at 13% alcohol is not gonna freeze solid.

Paul:

Right. But

Chrissy:

it's gonna get slushy.

Paul:

It wouldn't fucking blend in a little bit of fucking vanilla ice cream. Oh. Like one of those yeah. Like one of those what are those things that Dairy Queen, The blue they put in the blue with the like, is it a mister misty freeze or

Chrissy:

Oh, that means those are

Paul:

the best. They got rid of grape. That was, like, the only one I

Chrissy:

like. Oh, really?

Paul:

Cream and slushies. Yes. Yeah. So it's like a creamy Yeah. Was Amazing.

Paul:

Fucking yeah. See? That's what I'm saying.

Chrissy:

Hey, Russ.

Paul:

Hey. Try that too.

Chrissy:

You? Good. Good. Little burnt. You look a little burnt.

Chrissy:

Oh, yeah. Buddy.

Paul:

From North Carolina.

Chrissy:

We were

Paul:

out there for a week. Me and my buddy Oh. Fishing and Looks like you got burnt, peeled, and burnt again.

Chrissy:

You're burnt on burnt.

Paul:

I tell you the last two nights, you couldn't hardly sleep. Looks like Oh, yeah. Itching like a motherfucker. It looks like someone hit you with a blowtorch or something. Fuck.

Chrissy:

That's how Mike's back looked

Paul:

after working

Chrissy:

on the rug.

Paul:

Skid down the road. Oh.

Chrissy:

Well, we

Paul:

didn't think of a suntan lotion till afterwards. Yeah. You're all in, like, 90 degree fucking balls deep in the sun. So hot and humid there. Oh.

Chrissy:

Oh, North Carolina? Hell yeah.

Paul:

Really? Yeah. Fuck. I can't imagine it was anywhere

Chrissy:

on the ocean fishing? Or Yeah. Oh, fun.

Paul:

Oh. And those things typically don't really have a cut cabin where you can duck under too much.

Chrissy:

Thank you.

Paul:

Yeah. Except for that little island where the captain sits, but, I mean, that's barely enough to get out of the fucking sun. Yeah. I know. Oh, well.

Paul:

Yep. Good

Chrissy:

to see you. Welcome home.

Paul:

Alright. See you. Fucking take an ice bath or something. Jesus. That look fucking painful.

Chrissy:

Well, you should've seen his back. I was oh my god. So he was working up because he's been doing the pull barber up Well, or he didn't put sun screen on Yep. His back and

Paul:

he's white as a ghost. Sunscreen.

Chrissy:

I fucking This hate is so nasty because I almost oh. It's just disgusting. But he blistered. His whole back was full of blisters.

Paul:

That's like what? Second degree burner?

Chrissy:

Well, I don't know.

Paul:

Yeah. Think It

Chrissy:

was blistering and he's like, put lotion on it. I go

Paul:

I'd be like, I ain't touching that.

Chrissy:

Dude, it was squirting me in the eye.

Paul:

You got goggles on. I should've. Welder mask on. Like

Chrissy:

It was disgusting. He's like, pop them all and Yeah. It was so gross. I think Oh my god. I'm getting squirted by these blisters.

Paul:

I'd to do that. I think that'd be fun. That and like You

Chrissy:

can do it next time.

Paul:

Dead skin off, dude. It's like, satisfying. I don't know why.

Chrissy:

So disgusting. What? No. I never burn. Do you burn?

Chrissy:

Because you're pretty dark.

Paul:

Yeah. I I do when I

Chrissy:

have never ever in my life burnt like that.

Paul:

The the first time of the year, I usually burn pretty good.

Chrissy:

Do you?

Paul:

One time and then it's usually and then I'm usually done after that. Then I usually get pretty tan. But, yeah. Usually I usually get fucked over once, which if I just

Chrissy:

ever been that burnt. Not like that. I've never been burnt actually. Because I'm smart. No one wants sunscreen.

Paul:

Well, and I never I hate sunscreen. I hate bug spray. I hate just putting lotion or anything on my skin. I don't

Chrissy:

know why. So Well, you're not a girl, but I found a game changer, Maddie. There's a spray Fuck this. Yep. That also have it

Paul:

on today. It

Chrissy:

also use you can use it before you put your makeup on, but you can also use it after you put your makeup on. Because that's the biggest thing is Gus girls that wear makeup. You can't put on of the day, you you know, and you're outside, you don't wanna fuck up your makeup or whatever. So it's a spray. It's a light mist.

Chrissy:

It's a light mist and it also locks in your freaking makeup. It's like a setting spray and it's fifty fifty SPF? SPF. Yeah.

Paul:

Nice. Is it like a hook you up. Pump is it like a pump or aerosol?

Chrissy:

It's a no. It's like a liquid spray. Like

Paul:

a Yeah. A pump.

Chrissy:

Just a light mist.

Paul:

Spray bottle.

Chrissy:

That you put yeah. Yeah. Have you used setting spray for makeup before? I'm sure. It's exactly like that, but it's SPF.

Paul:

So it doesn't feel greasy or nothing? Not at dries on? Yeah. What the fuck? Then I want that shit.

Chrissy:

And I use it on my hands. Yeah. Because your face and your hands are always exposed to the sun in your neck. I use it here, my face and my hands. Game changer.

Chrissy:

Like, I'm like, this stuff is the bomb. I will tell you what it's called.

Paul:

For you too. No shit. Right? First time out on the lake this summer, we were laying out in a whatever in a floaty on blue and my beard was down here or whatever. So my stomach and everything is just white or red as fuck and then I lift it.

Paul:

I'm sitting there in the mirror putting on like fucking that aloe vera or whatever the fuck that shit is. Lift it up and it's all this white right there. I'm just like, oh, fuck.

Chrissy:

That's what you call white collar.

Paul:

Right? Oh, fuck.

Chrissy:

Okay. Well, this is another story I thought of you when I read this.

Paul:

So Diarrhea shit?

Chrissy:

Diarrhea. Yep.

Paul:

Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

Chrissy:

Listen to this though. You think you have stomach problems. This is some mainstream shit. Mainstream Oh god. Delta Airlines Oh god.

Chrissy:

Had to turn around What? Because of a passenger's explosive dynamic. Fuck. So Delta Airlines Airbus a three fifty had set Isn't out on time it? From Atlanta, Georgia going to we're back going to Spain again.

Paul:

I was just gonna say that's a that's one of those Airbus that that's a big fucker.

Chrissy:

Leaving Atlanta Leaving Atlanta. To Spain.

Paul:

Pong jumper.

Chrissy:

However, just slightly more than so they two hours into departure, the Delta flight one ninety four was forced to return to Atlanta.

Paul:

Why wouldn't they just

Chrissy:

Two hours.

Paul:

You would think they would be why couldn't they land in, like, Miami or something?

Chrissy:

Somewhere. Anywhere. But they were

Paul:

two hours. Turning around.

Chrissy:

International Airport with 346 passengers on board. Board.

Paul:

Yeah. International flight.

Chrissy:

Well, one might expect weather issues, fuel shortages, or technical reasons for the turnaround, that was not the case. Unfortunately, there was an onboard medical emergency causing trail. A trail of Oh, diarrhea god. Left behind by a struggling passenger, which ultimately You can't crack a window. Which ultimately created a bio it created a biohazard situation.

Chrissy:

How

Paul:

many people started throwing? I did I would throw it. Almost fucking lost it. Or where where where was it?

Chrissy:

Maintenance crews spent the next five hours cleaning the airplane and had to replace the aisle carpet ruined by the incident.

Paul:

Yeah. You would have to yeah.

Chrissy:

After a lengthy eight hour delay, passengers reportedly, including the one suffering diarrhea Oh my would god. You even get back on? They allowed him to reboard. And they finally

Paul:

It's all evacuated now.

Chrissy:

And they finally landed in Barcelona. Like, days later.

Paul:

How long that fucking flight is? Dude, I get anxious on a five hour flight, like, with my stomach Biohazard. Dude, so I was at work the other day. Right?

Chrissy:

Yep.

Paul:

And we got these they're called dollies. It's just whatever, two wheels on each side. It's like a triangle looking thing. It connects the two trailers or two littler trailers, the wiggle wagons. And, they sit they sit on their, like, their back bumper.

Paul:

Sometimes they'll sit up in the air like this, and the pintle hook that connects to the front trailer is, like, I don't know, about up above my head, just barely out of Sure. Fucking eyesight. They they either sit like that or sit straight down. Anyway, this one just happened to be up like this. Right?

Paul:

And it was in the morning. I just got to work, had breakfast, whatever, and I went I had to hook up this day, so I I put my hand up there to grab it to pull it down because these fuckers are heavy. I Sure. Basically takes all my weight to get it down.

Chrissy:

Just hanging off of it?

Paul:

Yeah. And I I grabbed it and I could feel my hand sinking like mushy and I'm

Chrissy:

like No.

Paul:

What the fuck was this?

Chrissy:

What is it?

Paul:

So I pulled my hand down and it looked at first, I thought it was like grease. Right? Yeah. With grease, that shit gets everywhere.

Chrissy:

Right.

Paul:

But with me, I gotta fucking smell everything and I smelled it and that was it. Fuck. It was the biggest fucking donkey pile of bird shit I've ever seen

Chrissy:

And in my it

Paul:

oh, I lost it right there.

Chrissy:

Did this bird shit even smell?

Paul:

Yeah. Whatever the fuck. I don't it it looked way too big to be birch shit. I don't know

Chrissy:

what Is the it fuck

Paul:

No. It was like a

Chrissy:

Is birch white?

Paul:

Dark maroon color. Yeah. Then we'll see it in in our our I

Chrissy:

need to see Maddie's face.

Paul:

Yeah. Right. Our fucking grease that's on our trailers or whatever is like the color of that rope, basically. Okay. Like a little darker.

Paul:

So

Chrissy:

that's Red.

Paul:

That's about the color that it was. So I don't know if How weird. Ducked up there or what.

Chrissy:

That almost sounds like death. Smells like death.

Paul:

Oh. I don't know what it smelled like, but I fucking lost my breakfast. Oh. Right there. Dude.

Paul:

My gosh. This is a perfect way to fucking start my day.

Chrissy:

That is disgusting.

Paul:

First time well, I guess that isn't the first time I parked in the board parking lot.

Chrissy:

That's not the first time? No.

Paul:

Oh. I've come in hungover. Oh, god. Dude, I remember when I was working at FedEx. Holy

Chrissy:

did you work at FedEx?

Paul:

Six years, I think.

Chrissy:

I know it was a while.

Paul:

Yeah. This is when I was dating Chelsea Carroll and Okay. We went downtown and partied with Matt. Fuck. What's his name?

Paul:

He he had a condo downtown. Who? My doctor's kid, Matt Matt Johnson. Steve Johnson's son.

Chrissy:

Okay.

Paul:

Kid's fucking great. Whatever. I love that kid to death. But, anyway, we were downtown partying. I don't know.

Paul:

I had to be, what, probably 22, three, five, somewhere in And, whatever, went to half a dozen bars. Matt took us all over. Like, all the places he goes, and he's like I don't know. This kid was like a fucking celebrity. Everywhere he goes, he's just like yeah.

Paul:

Right? So whatever. We fucking got it right in. We're waiting in line for shit. Nothing.

Paul:

It was great. And we got I well, no. We I got fucking blackout drunk and I had

Chrissy:

to go

Paul:

to work the next morning. I don't even know what time we

Chrissy:

Did you stay down there then?

Paul:

Yeah. I'm assuming. Stayed at his place. I don't even know what time we got done drinking, whatever. We went back to his place.

Paul:

I had to get up at five in the morning. I remember when I woke up, I was still just so happy fucking drunk, and I'm just, like, walking around his apartment.

Chrissy:

Who is still happy drunk?

Paul:

Fucking

Chrissy:

You're still drunk.

Paul:

Fucking butt ass naked, and I opened I opened up one of his windows, and there's there's like a bunch of fucking people down there, whatever. There's construction workers. Sure. There's people walking back and forth, going to work and shit. It's like right downtown.

Chrissy:

Downtown. Look. Opened the house. Was fun.

Paul:

I just yelled, ask me about my weed order. And then slammed the window. I ended up getting I ended up getting on my fucking r six at the time. Just I had to be just fucking still just tuned up. And I am

Chrissy:

am But you're going to work to drive a semi.

Paul:

Yeah. Which should not have Obviously. Should not have been on a bike, should not have drove the fucking semi, none of that. I'm ripping through downtown spaghetti, the spaghetti bowl, whatever, you know, how it gets all zigzaggy. Spaghetti junction?

Paul:

Yep. Oh, God. I love that. But, yeah. On to fucking two eighty right

Chrissy:

Two in the morning, fucking the best.

Paul:

Oh, yeah. Oh, on a rocket, there is Well nothing fucking bad.

Chrissy:

Even on a Harley when there's a group of you, just

Paul:

the sound Just

Chrissy:

of the pipes

Paul:

down the fucking Laurie Hill Tunnel.

Chrissy:

Fuck yeah.

Paul:

Yeah. But, yeah, fucking get to work. Better. I puked in the parking lot, I don't know, probably three times before I could even get get off my bike and get into the fucking get into work. Got onto work.

Paul:

I remember I was doing Hastings Hastings route.

Chrissy:

So you didn't really have that far to go.

Paul:

No. I only it probably was, what, four fucking miles? Not even? I'm surprised I didn't fucking throw up in my helmet when I was on the way there. But, yeah, I ended up getting after I puked, like, two, three times in the parking lot, I was able to get to my first stop.

Paul:

Ugh. And I didn't even go to my first stop. I just I got there. I was this is, like by now, it's, like, six in the morning, and I'm fucking driving to whatever whatever. We had our pre shift, got through that, did the pre trip on my truck, hooked up, got my truck load or whatever.

Paul:

And by now, it's like, what, seven? I think I got to, like, just I was doing, like, Rosemont or somewhere out there, there was a truck stop, a TA, and it had a subway. I didn't even go to my first stop. Didn't do fucking anything. I went straight to fucking lunch at like 08:00 in the morning.

Paul:

What? I was so fucking wrecked. And then, I went in Subway, got a got a 12 inch whatever, and it took me literally my entire half hour lunch to eat I think two bites and keep it down.

Chrissy:

And keep it down? Yeah. I wouldn't even have tried Oh. At that point.

Paul:

Yeah. I should have just stayed the fuck home.

Chrissy:

Seven up or something.

Paul:

No. No. Mountain Dew.

Chrissy:

Well, yeah. You shouldn't even have gotten Yeah. In obviously.

Paul:

Being young, dumb and full

Chrissy:

of Oh, freak. God. You had to have been

Paul:

just Yeah. 20

Chrissy:

Twenties? Early Yeah. Twenties?

Paul:

Yeah. Like like I said, probably 22, 23, I think. Yeah. That was

Chrissy:

How old is How old are you compared to Chelsea?

Paul:

Oh shit. I think she's like fucking

Chrissy:

She's not 40 yet. I know that.

Paul:

No. I think she's like

Chrissy:

37?

Paul:

She's probably five six years younger than me.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Probably. Yeah. How does she even get in the bars? She have a fake I oh, she had a fake ID

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

Back then. That fucked everyone.

Paul:

Well, I think I think at this oh, yeah. She wouldn't have been 21, wouldn't she?

Chrissy:

No. Because she was very young when you were

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. That was a hot mess express that day.

Paul:

Fuck.

Chrissy:

Oh. So here's a funny story. In Nebraska, in Norfolk, Nebraska, Nebraska, a cop was dispatched on a call for a vehicle with a cow inside. Just rolling through the town.

Paul:

In a fucking vehicle or

Chrissy:

Listen to this. What? In a car. Well, police assumed the bovine passenger would be a small calf that would actually fit inside the vehicle. Right?

Chrissy:

They discovered what they discovered was anything but small. Officers located Lee Myers riding down US Highway 257 with his 2,200 pound half longhorn longhorn What? Half African bull

Paul:

No way.

Chrissy:

Riding in a 1996 Ford Krombitur. If anything can haul that fucking much weight for

Paul:

a car, would be that fucking dude.

Chrissy:

The car's roof on the passenger side had been removed. The yeah. And there was a yellow barrier on the side of the vehicle to keep the bull inside. I imagine. What?

Chrissy:

Who

Paul:

the fuck rides around with a 2,000

Chrissy:

2,200 pound bull.

Paul:

How the fuck does that suspension even fucking handle that?

Chrissy:

The fucking Crown Victoria's are solid cars.

Paul:

Weren't they used for like cop cars and shit? Those things were fucking Yeah. Right?

Chrissy:

The bull whose name was Howdy Doody is He was a regular attraction at parades and fairs throughout the state. And the two actually on their way to another small town parade. He couldn't afford a trailer for cow or this

Paul:

if he's a fucking attraction, you'd think you would make a couple of bucks

Chrissy:

off of him.

Paul:

Like, what the heck? Crown Vic's not that fucking big. I mean, what did he cut the trunk open too?

Chrissy:

Sounds like the whole roof on the passenger side and the side was all cut out.

Paul:

I feel like you would have to remove everything from the fucking windshield back.

Chrissy:

See a picture of this.

Paul:

Yeah. No shit. Right? You gotta look that up and get

Chrissy:

a book

Paul:

and put it on there.

Chrissy:

Howdy duty.

Paul:

Dude, you you would have to remove the back seat. You'd have to remove and cut out the trunk for that fucker to fit. There's no fucking weight.

Chrissy:

That's a big Twenty two hundred pounds, that's a big if if

Paul:

it's that big, which didn't you say it was a longhorn? A half longhorn Half longhorn.

Chrissy:

And half watusi African bull.

Paul:

What is that? One of those, like

Chrissy:

I don't know.

Paul:

Fucking long haired shaggy looking fuckers?

Chrissy:

Maybe.

Paul:

That look like those cute little cows.

Chrissy:

But a longhorn. I

Paul:

mean Yeah. Those things get up. Those things they go like this. Those Texas longhorns. They get like six fucking what?

Paul:

Eight feet wide?

Chrissy:

And this one was 2,200 so it wasn't a baby. Yeah. Which why I think what they were expecting.

Paul:

I guess I don't know how big a 2,200 bull is, but I

Chrissy:

would imagine from

Paul:

tip to tail that motherfucker's gotta be from So end to end over here.

Chrissy:

My biggest horse that I have is probably thirteen hundred pounds and she's a big horse.

Paul:

So it's like two fucking horses.

Chrissy:

Her back is this tall.

Paul:

Yeah. Dude, that's what

Chrissy:

I'm From there to there.

Paul:

I what I'm imagining is that that one bull you always see on, like, whatever YouTube TikTok that's like fucking Yeah. 12 feet tall and four feet wide or 14

Chrissy:

feet wide. Is like Those steers you see that are, you know, champion steers or whatever.

Paul:

Oh, idea to see a picture of this. I don't believe it. It's fucking fake. That's fake news.

Chrissy:

Norfolk and Nebraska.

Paul:

We'll have to

Chrissy:

get the photos.

Paul:

I'll fucking Google that right now.

Chrissy:

If my printer worked last night, I probably could've got photos. Alright. Should we do another drink?

Paul:

Yep. I was just gonna say that. Perfect.

Chrissy:

We're gonna do a drink drink. What's your drink? We're doing a hippie drink. Hippie juice drink.

Paul:

How's your beer paw? Paul? It's Here.

Chrissy:

Do you need a pee? No. You don't what's wrong with you today?

Paul:

I know. Right?

Chrissy:

Two hours

Paul:

in. It is two hours in. Jeez. I didn't I haven't had anything to drink since last last night sometime. So you're refueling.

Paul:

Yeah. Dehydrated.

Chrissy:

Is it roasting out there, Kylie?

Paul:

Yeah. It's

Chrissy:

still hot. Yeah. I finally turned my air on today.

Paul:

I don't even have air. How do you not fucking have air this I

Chrissy:

don't feel like I need it, but when it gets humid like that, it's it gets gross inside.

Paul:

I just go in my garage and lay on my cement floor and turn the fans on.

Chrissy:

Sounds like my dog. So we are drinking a drink called the Hippie. It's called Hippie Juice. And it's Malibu, half ounce Malibu, half ounce watermelon pucker, triple sec, pink lemonade, and pineapple juice. This one is delicious.

Paul:

Oh my god. This sounds like another one of those things that Shannon makes.

Chrissy:

It was. It is. Shannon did make this.

Paul:

Well, know but I mean

Chrissy:

to you, Shannon. Alright. I

Paul:

need to fucking look up that recipe for that shit she made. What's that shit? Where do you get that fucking Minute Maid?

Chrissy:

They got it at Mike's discount. Where? Mike's discount food. Spreader one?

Paul:

Yes.

Chrissy:

No. We're talking about the margarita that that had the No.

Paul:

The one with the tai tajin or whatever in it?

Chrissy:

What? Yeah. It was like the the powder. The one that people use like the chamoy and stuff on the fruit. She put that powder in there.

Paul:

The tea. What

Chrissy:

leg spreader. That was the margarita. Oh. I don't know then.

Paul:

No. I want that that leg spreader on. God, that was fucking

Chrissy:

margarita dude. It wasn't the leg spreader.

Paul:

Was it?

Chrissy:

Yes.

Paul:

The tajin?

Chrissy:

I think this is the second time we've gotten them mixed up.

Paul:

Which one it

Chrissy:

because Renegos

Paul:

Which one does it?

Chrissy:

I'll tell you right now.

Paul:

Spicy lemonade.

Chrissy:

That one. The spicy lemonade margarita.

Paul:

Oh, that's the one I want. Yeah. Yeah. That's the one I want.

Chrissy:

Because Renee goes that margarita was the leg spreader

Paul:

for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Chrissy:

Okay. Hippie juice. Malibu, watermelon pucker, triple sec, pink lemonade, and pineapple juice. So there's the it's all it's pretty good. It definitely tastes like hippie juice.

Chrissy:

I feel like this is something Sarah would drink.

Paul:

Tastes like a hippie took a bath in it.

Chrissy:

Do you not like it?

Paul:

It's actually, it's got a fucking weird taste.

Chrissy:

It's It's the Malibu.

Paul:

Is that what it is?

Chrissy:

Oh, yeah. I feel like I need more.

Paul:

Like pineapple? Yeah. I love pineapple.

Chrissy:

Well, then it can't be that. I feel like it needs more pucker. More watermelon.

Paul:

Yeah. It's it's it's almost there. It's like it's almost I don't know what it is. It's missing

Chrissy:

I agree with you.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

It's It's good but it's

Paul:

It is.

Chrissy:

Not like the bomb.

Paul:

The first well, it's weird. The first sip kinda tasted bonky but now you sip it again, it's a lot better.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Don't remember. Yeah. It's it's good. Don't get me wrong.

Chrissy:

I would not compared to what we other stuff that we've tried, it's not even close to some of the other stuff.

Paul:

Well, that's a

Chrissy:

I'd probably give it a seven.

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chrissy:

What do you think, Maggie?

Paul:

The more take another drink. The more you drink it, the better it tastes.

Chrissy:

That's good. The drunker you get. That's usually what it is.

Paul:

No. No. It's not. We're not drunk yet.

Chrissy:

Depends on what you're trying to do with your Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

Paul:

The goal is

Chrissy:

What is the goal? I want like, it's okay. What is the that is

Paul:

in this? Malibu Malibu.

Chrissy:

Half ounce of watermelon pucker, a half ounce of triple sec, pink an ounce of pink lemonade and an ounce pineapple juice.

Paul:

I would try it without that Malibu and see what it does.

Chrissy:

Malibu is like one of the main ingredients.

Paul:

I would substitute it with like I

Chrissy:

think more watermelon pucker Or that me would be better.

Paul:

Or do like half ounce of watermelon pucker with a half ounce of apple pucker.

Chrissy:

Maybe. That'd be

Paul:

That'd be bomb as fuck.

Chrissy:

Watermelon apple pineapple juice drinker. So I'd never drink it.

Paul:

I love it. I love pineapple.

Chrissy:

I'd but to drink pineapple juice is just not my jam.

Paul:

Well, was out last night with fucking Britney's friends or whatever. What's his fucking kid's name? James. He one of her friends, James, he's a hairstylist in Malacca too, and he drank tequila and pineapple. Oh.

Paul:

I would have

Chrissy:

never Craig who we did that.

Paul:

I would have never thought of that but it's fucking delicious.

Chrissy:

No. Craig did grapefruit juice and pineapple

Paul:

or grape drunk.

Chrissy:

No. Grapefruit juice and tequila.

Paul:

That's what he

Chrissy:

used to do.

Paul:

What if if you do that and vodka, isn't that a yeah. I wonder what that shit's called if you do a tequila. I wonder

Chrissy:

I don't remember,

Paul:

but I

Chrissy:

know that was one thing that he used to drink all the time. Turned me on to it. It was actually really good.

Paul:

I got I was god fucking what was I drinking the other night? Tequila, that fucking Mophilia or whatever it was.

Chrissy:

What?

Paul:

Yeah. I was

Chrissy:

Did you ever try the Maestro de Belle? Yeah. What do you think? Fuck. It's good, isn't

Paul:

it? Yeah. You know what? I was when I was drinking, I'm like, fuck, this tastes familiar. So you've

Chrissy:

got to have it in the freezer. I hope you put it in the

Paul:

freezer. It's sitting in my ice box. Yeah. I'm like, fuck, this tastes familiar. And this bottle looks fucking similar too.

Paul:

And I'm like, what I know I've had this before because obviously, partying with you, I know I've had to have had it.

Chrissy:

It's probably

Paul:

looking through

Chrissy:

Hey, Rick.

Paul:

Looking through pictures. Sure shit. It's sitting in Get to church from that swearing it. I

Chrissy:

get to church. When you go, I'll go.

Paul:

I'll be there on February 31. See you there. What time is it? Like fucking noon. Right?

Paul:

But, yeah, I was looking through old photos on my phone. And sure shit fucking in my bagger. That shit was sitting there with, like, that and I had a Oh. They actually, it was the night we went to your lake house. One night, partied there and then that was the night that I left when I shouldn't have left because I couldn't long time ago.

Chrissy:

Yeah. The lake house.

Paul:

Well, was like Chelsea back in the day Yeah. Chelsea. Yeah. I remember Bo was holding my bike up and he's like, are you ready? I'm like, yep.

Paul:

Because I couldn't hold it up So he's sitting there holding it. He's like, alright, let the clutch

Chrissy:

out. Oh my god. We let you drive like that? What the hell?

Paul:

And then the whole

Chrissy:

The whole worst Lake The best.

Paul:

The worst part is is the whole way down four, I'm sitting there going like this. Just like this every single and you know what the

Chrissy:

get flagged now.

Paul:

You know what the fucking problem was? It wasn't because I was drunk. It was because I had No. Two fucking cases of beer all in this side on my fucking bag and I didn't fucking level it out and put the shit on the

Chrissy:

other side. What it was. Sure.

Paul:

100% that's what it was.

Chrissy:

Like this. Like a windstorm.

Paul:

Felt like I was in an 80 mile an hour crosswind just getting fucked.

Chrissy:

Oh, that is so funny.

Paul:

Oh, god.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Those lake house parties were Yeah. Seven nights a week.

Paul:

Right? And then the next day, we fucking doubled down and went to fuck, whose was it? Dean's or something? Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember either.

Paul:

I know Adam rode with me because I

Chrissy:

I love Adam.

Paul:

I know. It's like five in the morning booty call and

Chrissy:

asked him to actually be on. But he had work. He had side jobs too.

Paul:

He the fucker is side jobaholic. This kid's always hustling.

Chrissy:

He's a hard worker.

Paul:

Yeah. He is.

Chrissy:

He's a

Paul:

fucking driller.

Chrissy:

So

Paul:

Oh, and he does fucking paint work. Oh,

Chrissy:

shit. Talented.

Paul:

Yeah. He did you see that fucking gas tank thing he did? That old school gas gas tank? Mm-mm. Oh, it like

Chrissy:

Not for you?

Paul:

No. One of his buddies or something. Oh, no. It was like black and Harley orange and shit. Oh, he looked fucking sick.

Chrissy:

And the thing with Adam is he's very much perfectionist.

Paul:

Yep.

Chrissy:

So, like, if there's one fucking slight

Paul:

Blemish, he's like

Chrissy:

scratch it. I'll definitely start over.

Paul:

Fuck this.

Chrissy:

I remember when he painted my street glide, that was the first flat black he had ever painted.

Paul:

Oh, really? That's the one he did that one? Yeah. The black and red one? Yeah.

Chrissy:

That's he he's like well, and it was Jim's bike. So wanted to make sure

Paul:

it was He

Chrissy:

he scratched it down and started over like five times. It was three times. I don't it was a lot.

Paul:

Yeah. I would imagine

Chrissy:

One thing wrong with it. He goes, I fucking started over. I'm so

Paul:

so long. Yeah. Flat black.

Chrissy:

Flat black and the flat orange.

Paul:

I would imagine has to be fucking miserable to paint too.

Chrissy:

Yeah. And he had never done

Paul:

it before

Chrissy:

because it was fairly new back in 02/2008.

Paul:

Oh, Yeah. Cool World wasn't the first I think the first year it came out was on my bike.

Chrissy:

02/2007? '10. Or '10? No.

Paul:

Yeah. It it I'm almost positive

Chrissy:

Could have been.

Paul:

Flat black. Because I don't know why. I remember I wanted to buy No.

Chrissy:

No. No. Because No? The street I my what year is my street glide? 02/2008?

Chrissy:

'7. Right? Mike? Yeah. It is.

Chrissy:

A 02/2007. That was flat gray.

Paul:

But not black.

Chrissy:

Not black. No. No. No. You're

Paul:

right. I think the first year they came out with black was in '10.

Chrissy:

Okay. That could be. I For sure.

Paul:

I I don't quote me on it but I

Chrissy:

because it was the denim silver or think

Paul:

happened because like Sean was working for Harley then and I'm like, man, if they made a flat black one, I'm like, I'd be all over that. And then

Chrissy:

Oh, that's right.

Paul:

Yeah. He he comes out and he's like, hey, he's like, I'm quitting here. He's like, if you're gonna fucking pull the trigger, pull it now. He's like, guess what? I'm like, what?

Paul:

They got flat black. I'm like, fuck.

Chrissy:

Yeah. So now that you say that Yeah. I think we all thought that. Yeah. I went have been in black.

Paul:

Yeah. I went into

Chrissy:

Which is why he painted it that way.

Paul:

Eton Prairie, Harley Davidson, Wild Prairie. That was the first.

Chrissy:

So, I had a flat black bike before you did. Son of a bitch.

Paul:

Well, did you?

Chrissy:

I did. 02/2008.

Paul:

You bought that in 02/2008, but when did you paint it?

Chrissy:

02/2008. Fuck. Painted it in 02/2008. So, it was a 02/2007.

Paul:

That's probably why I wanted flat black because I've seen that and I'm like God. Damn it. That's sick.

Chrissy:

Yeah. It was pretty fucking sick. Now, that you say that and I go back in my mind, because it was the flat silver denim, they it. Yeah. And then that Which is also

Paul:

a fucking sweet color.

Chrissy:

They hear, but then he fucking that was he rode that bike stock for one year and then he gave it to Tim Wolfe. He wanted the whole thing stripped down, the whole motor done. He got that one twenty four put in there. And then, when Jim passed away in the 2008, they had that bike the whole summer and I didn't get it back until the 2008. Which is the kind of funny story is the day Adam painted it Yep.

Chrissy:

And then when we went and picked it up, Adam and I went together to Tim Wolff's to go get it because the engine was done finally after that whole summer.

Paul:

Yep.

Chrissy:

I was a little irritated that it took so long. But Tim made it clear to me that it was hard for him to work on it,

Paul:

you know, because

Chrissy:

of the loss of Jim and stuff. So it was really really hard for me to work on this bike.

Paul:

Any other bike, he's knocking it out in, like, fucking ten It's minutes, you

Chrissy:

hard for me to go back.

Paul:

But it's like anytime you're I can imagine, you know, one of your good friends or whatever, and you're sitting there just you start working on it, then you get all emotional and you break down.

Chrissy:

Yeah. He said he did have a hard time working away from it or something. I walk bike like it's the end of summer now and I want this bike to ride.

Paul:

That would be hard too.

Chrissy:

So, Adam came to my house, picked me up, we went and this was my first time seeing it and I was like, holy shit. I love this thing. It's so badass.

Paul:

Right?

Chrissy:

And Mike actually Adam took a picture of me in front of Tim's old house on the street wide and I think Mike has it hanging in his garage at in his garage in Forest Lake. Yeah. That from the day that I picked it up, we took a picture. Oh. And, yeah.

Chrissy:

It was pretty cool. And then, that next day, I ended up riding it. My friend Kimmy called me and she's like, we're going on this ride because that was on a Sunday that I picked it up.

Paul:

Yeah.

Chrissy:

And the next day was Labor Day and I ended up meeting Mike the next next day. Yes. It was kinda weird.

Paul:

Like Jim led you right to him.

Chrissy:

Kind of. Kinda sorta.

Paul:

Kinda Mike seems that

Chrissy:

should've ran.

Paul:

It's like, fuck. If I knew what I knew now?

Chrissy:

Yeah. Exactly. And you guys said he asked my mom yesterday

Paul:

if

Chrissy:

I

Paul:

was I'd have 50 more mini bikes.

Chrissy:

Yeah. Mini bikes.

Paul:

How many fucking mini bikes you got now? I'm not talking about

Chrissy:

it. And mopeds.

Paul:

You're a mini bike a holic?

Chrissy:

Yeah. And mopeds. Oh. Let's see here.

“The Craziest News Stories You’ve NEVER Heard | Pringles Poop, Fake Heart Attacks & More”

headphones Listen Anywhere

More Options »
Broadcast by